Post by: Kendra Hacker
If I told you one of my biggest struggles in life was people pleasing, would you believe me? I faced rejection from an early age. That propelled me into a downward spiral of striving. Almost my whole life I have strived to be everything for everyone. No matter how hard I strived to be exactly what the person needed, I could never be exactly what they needed me to be. That killed me, it crushed me.
Once people realized I would try my absolute hardest to do anything for them, came endless unrealistic expectations. Once those unrealistic expectations weren’t met came some of the worst criticism I had ever experienced. Both from myself, and from those I bent over backwards for.
Harsh Criticism from others and myself would leave me crying on my floor to God. Asking, “Why wasn’t I good enough?” “If I could have just done this better... or If I would’ve tried harder then they would be happy with me.” I thought.
Now, I’m nowhere near a scholar on this subject, but every day God shows me something new and helps me grow in grace.
Here’s a few things He’s taught, and is teaching me:
I can never be everything for everyone. I am not God. God is God.
It’s just life, I can’t be what everyone needs. That’s Gods job. It’s like the analogy of fitting a square peg in a round hole. Sometimes we must step back look at the situation and say, “Who’s job is this? Mine or God’s?” I can say just about 80% of the time I’m trying to be something to someone that only God can be.
There will always be someone who does not like you, does not understand your methods, and lacks tolerance or love.
As bad as this statement bugs me, it rings as true as the red letters. There will A L W A Y S be someone. I’ll never forget when I choose to use a different approach to a situation and one of my closest friends at the time, gave me a whole speech on why my choice was the wrong choice. Even though both my idea and her idea both ended with the same results. I was heartbroken because I had felt like I was doing the correct thing.
Learning the difference: Constructive Criticism VS. Overly Critical Comments.
Learning this changed my life. As someone who wanted to please everyone, I always wanted and felt like I NEEDED to know what it was that I absolutely sucked at (can I say sucks on the church blog?). But I never realized the difference between constructive criticism and overly critical comments and people.
Constructive Criticism – Can help push you to be the best you can be.
Overly Critical Comments - Do not help you grow in life.
DO NOT let the critics prevent you from pursuing your calling.
God put that dream inside of you for a reason. Noah didn’t stop building the Ark every time someone questioned or mocked him. Keep pursuing. Someone somewhere needs you.
SHIFT YOUR FOCUS
One of the first things I ask myself, when I feel like I’m about to give into a moment of people pleasing is: “Why am I doing this?”
“For am I now trying to persuade people or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
Who am I going to be pleasing in this moment, God, or a person?
One thing that took me years upon years to realize (like just like last year) is that people pleasing has held me back from the abundant life that Jesus came and died for. (John 10:10)
What a shame it would be for me (and for you) to not get to experience the abundance He came and died for.
Like I said earlier, I’m still learning and still find myself in moments where I probably could have done better. But thank God for grace.
My final thought…
Do not let someone’s criticism turn you bitter. Let it remind you of the love of Jesus that you want to have for those around you and those who follow after you.
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